Alone again, going back
The day after tomorrow I will start my old job as Symbiant. It has been exactly one year from when I put in my two months notice. I am sad to go back in that I feel that I will now be kept here. But mostly I am happy to go back for the money and respect that I had. The money part will allow me to further accomplish my dreams. Although they are different dreams then when I was in SF. I came so close so many times to going back to SF. Moby was a large part in that. If I would have been able to sleep in my explorer all by myself….. I don't know. Now I know this great (seemingly anyway) girl out there. Maybe I will go back there when I retire. When my family is gone and I have the means to do so. Then I can go to the ocean at nights and watch with the others as the sun moves past us to wake the neighbors. I have never seen such a beautiful sunset as I had when I was there. I hope to god that I will be able to make it past retirement age so I can enjoy these things. At my current rate, I feel that I will not. As of today, I am still drinking heavily. About 1/2 liter of vodka each day. I am still living with my parents. I have no money. I see no future really. My motivation is something that I used to see out of the corner of my eye, but is now all but gone.
